Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
