Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
