I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
