You really coming over, don't trick.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
