I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
