Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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