her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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