Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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