Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
