And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
