The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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