some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
