Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
