I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
