I puked a lego.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am available for nakedness
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
