I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The beer is more important than you right now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
