i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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