she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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