I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
