there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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