I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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