Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I checked into jail on foursquare
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
