and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
