planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
