You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
