I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
