All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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