I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
40s are totally the cure
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
