Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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