Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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