I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My pussy is not your playground.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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