I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
