just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
