he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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