Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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