I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The Olympian is in my bed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize