We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
