he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
