From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
