never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
