does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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