Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
