we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
