just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
