There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
