____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
