I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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