Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize