The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
