i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she smelled like a LAN party
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
