You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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