im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
