Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Text me some of your sweat
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