Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
