I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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