During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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