Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
