so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
