i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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