oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
