And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
