I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
