Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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