Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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