i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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