I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
