I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
