All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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