I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
