I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
