i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
