I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize