it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
